Memorial Day, Every Day

Memorial Day. A time to remember servicemen and women who gave their lives in service to the United States. Yes, this is about them. But also, I think, today is about a group of people who rarely get the recognition they should. I am referring to Dependents. Spouses, children, and family who bear the burden of living on in the absence of their loved ones.

I cannot begin to imagine what that is like. As a Father, my worst nightmare is outliving my children. I think that statement says enough, so I will not elaborate on it except to say that it is heartbreaking to see a family lose a child.

This became abundantly clear to me early in my teaching career. I attended the funeral of a young man who was a recent HS graduate. He served overseas and was killed in action. The funeral service was in his church and it was packed with family, friends, former teachers, and a host of older veterans determined to make sure that this soldier received a proper send off-they would be escorting him to his repose.

I have been to a lot of funerals. Mostly, I have been there in a professional capacity as I am a musician. It is very different to be there and not be “on the job,” focused on serving those in mourning. Although I did not know this young man personally or professionally, we shared the common bond of service in the military-training and preparation for the time when we would be called to give all. He was, in essence, my brother. Actually, at my age, more like my son. That was when I noticed his children. 

This young man had a family, and they sat, quietly, in the front of the church during the service. The young mother, arms around her children, keeping her bearing as friends and family of her husband spoke of him. What they said is what I often hear about our fallen: “he was a hard worker; dedicated to his family and friends; dependable; kind; loving.” So many good men and women-everyday people wanting to be a part of something greater than themselves in order to serve, protect, and defend our Constitution-gone. And this boy will join their ranks.

And what of his boy?

I stood outside the church with the other veterans as the soldier’s body was being taken to the hertz. Despite the beautiful morning, I could not hear the birds singing-all was quiet as this beautiful young mom came out of the church with her children-and then it happened:

“DADDY! DADDY PLEASE DON’T GO! I MISS YOU! I NEED YOU!” he screamed as he broke away from his mother and latched on to the leg of one of the young soldiers carrying his father. It was deafening. More than any machine gun, or cannon, or jet engine, this boy’s voice rang in my ears and in my head-I almost lost my bearing. I was not alone. Through it all, the young mother had the strength to pick up her sobbing son and hold him close to her chest as this Soldier, Son, Father, and Dad was carefully placed in the hearse.

I was a young Dad myself. Maybe that is why this morning had such a powerful impact on me. I have lost friends who served. Good people. Better people than me. Gone. And here I am-having the gall to wonder what I should do. 

What, indeed. I remember the Marine Corps motto, Semper fidelis, always faithful. To what am I faithful? My God. My family, My Corps (these days, I take this to mean those with whom I work and interact).

How do I do this? Where is the manifestation of my faith?

I work hard. I commit myself to making a difference-at work and at home. I tell my family I love them as much as I can. I fight my demons. I continue the struggle and most importantly, I do not give up. 

He didn’t. They didn’t. To the end, they gave everything, including their lives. 

Should I give any less? Should we?

If we really wish to honor this greatest of sacrifices on the part of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines, AND that of their families, should we not take our duty as citizens seriously? Should we not be working together for something greater than ourselves, namely, our Constitutional Republic?

I like to think that is a possibility. I also think I am not alone. I think that is a good place to start.

And I think it is the best possible way to honor their memory on Memorial Day, and every day.

Semper Fidelis.