Have a Hopeful New Year

 It's New Year's Day. 

The parties are over (unless today is also your birthday) and we find ourselves at the beginning of another trip around the sun. Well wishes have been said and as we prepare to get back to work, school, etc., I find myself wondering if a "happy" new year is what I really want. 

I think I am wanting something different this year. As I believe that every day is an opportunity to do better, it feels odd to think of this at the beginning of 2023. That's a huge chunk of time to say to one's self,"I am going to make another go at this". Maybe what I am thinking is that I want a hopeful new year. I am hopeful that

• more of our politicians will return to being statesmen (and women). A little more purple and less Red/Blue would be nice, I think.
• we seek more to understand rather than reply when dealing with each other.
• we find joy in simplicity.
• we spend more time with our next door neighbor and less with our digital ones.
• we take in the richness of the colors in the world we live in as much or more that the world we see online.
• we resolve to do at least one kind deed for another as well as one's self.
• we remember it's alright to pick ourselves up when we fall.
• we remember that each day of this year is a gift, a chance to live into our best selves. It is a privilege granted to all of us and with privilege comes responsibility.

All that said, I am eager to leave 2022 behind. I look forward to walking into each day of 2023 hopeful and ready to continue the task of growing, learning, and serving.

I wish the same for all of you.

Happy Holidays, indeed.

 The Winter Break has begun. For anyone working in education, we are told it is time to "recharge, focus, prepare for the spring..." (as if teachers did not know this) but this time is so much more. 

It has taken some time, but I have finally cultivated the practice of leaving work "at work." I give myself a set amount of time to do what I need to "prepare for the spring" and then, the work laptop goes into my work bag and the work bag goes into a predesignated space, not to be touched until it is time to "come back." Does this take a little planning? Yes. Did it take time for me to both learn how to plan and also to let go of my work self in order to do this-absolutely. But Thanksgiving this year was my first determined attempt and I am proud to say IT WORKED! I came back refreshed. I was excited to see my students and get back to work and we had a great concert and tours followed by other events that were enjoyed by both parents and students... and me! Yesterday, as I closed up shop for the Winter Break, I resolved to do the same over these two weeks. I set aside one day each week for a set amount of time to get specific tasks done and then everything gets put away. I wish had done this long ago...

When I was getting started as a choir director, I received the sage advice about being able to say "no". It's hard for artists to do that-but it is necessary. Cultivating balance requires setting boundaries for yourself and others. I have a set number of things that the choir does during the holiday time and rarely do I add to it without taking something else off the schedule. I plan after school rehearsals well enough in advance so that students can mitigate conflicts early on but communicating with other directors, coaches, and group sponsors, most of whom are willing to work something out with the student. Then there is choosing challenging without having to create more rehearsals (planning and score study are the key). Mostly, for me anyway, it has been about being ok with not agreeing to do everything under the sun and not taking it personally if the person asking gets upset about it.

So, these two weeks. What do I intend to do? Well, focus on my family and myself. As much as I love my students, I will not talk about work. I will perform because at my core I am a musician but the difference is it will be for me and my God. I need that- a lot. I will take my son disc golfing. See a movie or two with my daughters. Take my wife out. Sleep. Catch up on movies and tv shows I missed. Finish reading a couple of books over coffee. Get some exercise. And significantly reduce time on social media. Or at least, do as much as I can as I continue to create a more balanced life once I return to work (exercise, reading, time with and for my family) so that I do not treat my breaks as the only opportunity to do these things.

However you spend your break, I hope you take time for you, be with those who love you and whom you love. Cherish every moment and resolve to do some version of that once you return to work. Go for a walk. Have a great talk. If this season is special because of your faith, celebrate it fully and with as much meaning as possible. It is my sincere hope that you come back to your colleagues and students refreshed with a resolve to make the most of the spring-for them and for your self.

Until then...

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Blessings for a Prosperous New Year!

 It has been a long time since I wrote something here. I think Thanksgiving is as good a time as any to make a return. This year, I find myself being grateful for a lot. Mainly, I find myself feeling blessed by the obvious.

My health. You know, I think that our health is one of those things we take for granted until it isn't there. Coming out of COVID, I found myself well over 300 lbs. and in some of the worst health I had ever been in. A year and a half later, I am down over fifty pounds and still working on it. Lots of other health issues have improved as a result-physically and mentally-and for that I am both grateful and motivated.

My family. None of us have been at our best over the last year and a half. I have certainly not been at my best. Lately, I have all been realizing the importance of healthy communication, intentional interactions, and demonstrating an attitude of gratitude among each other and it has been good for all of us. It is hard work but worth it. 

My work. Getting to teach young people really is a privilege and honor. It is also hard, demanding, and at times, seemingly unnoticed, but so rewarding. I am grateful not only for my students but the amazing colleagues with whom I work.

I am grateful for the challenges in my life-they reveal me to myself and inspire me to do better... and so I will. I am reminded of Epictetus who wrote, "if you wish to improve, you must be content to be thought foolish and stupid..." 

I hope that, wherever you are during Thanksgiving, you are among those who love and care about you. I hope you find time to take inventory of what you are thankful for and express gratitude to those who have helped you. May you resolve likewise to help others.

Happy Thanksgiving

Week One is Done

We are coming up on a week since being told that our school district was not going to re-open from Spring Break until April 5 due to the Corona Virus. We have since been told to avoid crowds of 10 or more, restaurants are now *take out* only, the term "social distancing" has almost immediately become part of our common vernacular... and it has only been a week. 

During this week, I have seen people panic and buy more than is needed as they argue with each other over toilet paper and food. I have watched people cry to the sky and hand wring over what they think should have been done instead of actively working the problem. I have also watched others give some of what they have to others because (thanks mostly to panicky hoarders) they could not find what they needed at the store. I have watched teachers and others who work with children and young people try to find ways to be there for their students and youth. 

I have watched many in our government demonstrate that they are capable of getting things done for the people as I hear of others attempting to profit from a disaster that affects us all-especially those who are without (in just about every sense of the word). 

Personally, I think there has been much more positive than negative going on among us in this trying time. Families are together under one roof for more time than they may be able to remember. This provides an opportunity for re-connection with our loved ones (don't waste it). We have the opportunity to re-start some habits (I have been walking every day since this started and eating better too). Technology has enabled many of us to continue connecting and there could be few better uses for it, especially in times like this. I think we have come to realize just how stark inequities are in our country (and firmed up our resolve to make things better). There have been constant examples of individual and corporate citizens of means reaching out in whatever way they can to help those who have less.

In short, this week has shown us the best (and worst) of what we can be. This is almost always the case when we find ourselves in difficulty and challenge-we see and know ourselves at our best and worst. The struggle of our shared humanity comes to light in these times and as with all things in all times, we find ourselves with a choice-to be the best version of ourselves or not. Times such as this should remind us that we do have the choice to do better-to be better for others and ourselves. 

When this is over, may we continue to help each other. May we continue to show mercy to those who need it. May we continue to help those who cannot help themselves. May we hold accountable those who seek to benefit from those who suffer. May we hold ourselves accountable so that we do not find ourselves counted among those who care only for themselves.

As I mentioned, there is no school Monday but I do look forward to reaching out to my students and parents, whether by email, ZOOM, Google Classroom, or some other means, to catch up with them, see that they are ok, and talk about possible projects that would occupy them as we work together  to make music in a time where we are unable to physically be together.

Local, State, and Federal Leaders, First Responders, Food and Service Workers, Educators, Medical Staff of all stripes, we are are thankful for you. Fellow educators, let's roll up our sleeves, work together and be the best we can be for our students, each other, and our families.

Blessings...

Reflections on a Christmas Eve

Here we are, among family. We just returned from a family "get together" and although for the first time in years, we will not be going to church, I find myself comfortable with my family, in-laws and their dogs relaxing before reading "T'was the Night Before Christmas" and sending the kids to bed.

We were here last year-last Christmas. It was indeed, our last Christmas-with Mary. Mary was my Mother-in-Law, although she referred to herself as Mom and had me and my brother-in-law do the same. Mary was the Mom I did not have. In fact, she was everything opposite of the woman who bore me. When we got married, Mary came to me at the reception, hugged me, and said, "If you like, I would like to be your Mom."

And she was.

That was seventeen years ago. And this year, we stand to celebrate Christmas in her absence and it is quite noticeable. Conversations all day have drifted back to her and I imagine that will happen again tomorrow. It is amazing how a person's absence changes things, especially one so loved and so much a part of her children's lives. I see in my children's Mother the effect of her example and I thank God that they have the Mom I could only dream of or envy some of my friends.

Last Christmas was beautiful in every way. Cancer had not taken a total hold of her body, so Mary was able to do a lot with us. It snowed Christmas Eve, giving us a White Christmas. The kids played outside in the snow with us and their "favorite uncle", taking turns with the sled and standing on the frozen lake. A particularly nice part of that afternoon was looking back at the house and seeing Mary standing in the balcony window, looking out at us, smiling all the while. We played games in the evenings-laughing, telling stories, watching movies, visiting with extended family and going to Christmas Eve Service. On Christmas Day it we had her Christmas Egg Casserole with Sparkling Gape Juice before emptying stockings and opening presents. She made sure to watch each one of us as we opened our presents. Mary did this because her presents were always thoughtful, intentional, and therefore appreciated. Leaving for home was hard on all of us, especially my wife. It was impactful for me because, as Mary hugged her daughter,  each of her grandchildren and me, she knew it would be the last time-our last time-our last  Christmas together. I do not think any of us spoke for a good while when we left that morning.

And now. despite a wonderful day doing pretty much what we normally do when we are up here, my daughter turns to us and says, "Christmas feels different this year." Yes. Different, indeed.

However, in the midst of our loss, we celebrate the birth of twins to my nephew and his girlfriend. He is quiet excited to be a Dad and has insisted on having family over for Christmas. In this, I find Mary. She loved having her family together for Christmas (or whenever she could, for that matter). We will always have Christmas.

From the looks of things, we always will.

Thank you, Mary.

I mean, Mom.

Independence Day

On this day, take time to remember that we are a country founded on an idea. An idea rooted in the notion of liberty, self determination, and a recognition of rights that are innate, not given to us by any king, queen, or government. We the People have striven towards the realization of this idea for 242 years. The struggle is real and worth it.

When our military swears an oath, they swear to protect the Constitution, not a person or government, from all enemies, foreign and domestic. What matters most is that idea.

For those wishing to loathe about the ills of our country and those who founded it, have at it. It is your right. It is important to know all of our history, however,

Hanging on to the past is like carrying luggage-it can get heavy and sooner or later, it might not be such a bad idea to put it down. Creating a better future requires that we let go of the past-not ignore or forget it but keep in in the review mirror for reference rather than hung like an albatross around our necks. Our Republic is not perfect (show me a regime that is) but one cannot deny that we have grown in ways that even the Founders may not have anticipated because of our need to want more, to be better, and to do better for ourselves and others because

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, 

and the pursuit of Happiness.”

The term “happiness” is different from Locke’s trinity of “life, liberty, and property.” Rather “it is not merely sensual or hedonistic, but engages the intellect, requiring the careful discrimination of imaginary happiness from “true and solid” happiness.  It is the “foundation of liberty” because it frees us from enslavement to particular desires.” This is an idea going back to the Stoics and eventually the Epicureanism, which was a favorite of Thomas Jefferson.

So, yes, we as a Republic have fallen short on our ideals from time to time. But yes, we have gotten up in accordance with the virtues written by Plato, Aristotle, the Stoics, Epicureans, and Roman philosophers to continue the struggle of being better-of reaching for our idea. The idea of Life, Liberty and pursuit of Happiness. May we continue our struggle together, recognizing when we have fallen, and always resolving to get up and continue the struggle for "a more perfect Union."

Memorial Day, Every Day

Memorial Day. A time to remember servicemen and women who gave their lives in service to the United States. Yes, this is about them. But also, I think, today is about a group of people who rarely get the recognition they should. I am referring to Dependents. Spouses, children, and family who bear the burden of living on in the absence of their loved ones.

I cannot begin to imagine what that is like. As a Father, my worst nightmare is outliving my children. I think that statement says enough, so I will not elaborate on it except to say that it is heartbreaking to see a family lose a child.

This became abundantly clear to me early in my teaching career. I attended the funeral of a young man who was a recent HS graduate. He served overseas and was killed in action. The funeral service was in his church and it was packed with family, friends, former teachers, and a host of older veterans determined to make sure that this soldier received a proper send off-they would be escorting him to his repose.

I have been to a lot of funerals. Mostly, I have been there in a professional capacity as I am a musician. It is very different to be there and not be “on the job,” focused on serving those in mourning. Although I did not know this young man personally or professionally, we shared the common bond of service in the military-training and preparation for the time when we would be called to give all. He was, in essence, my brother. Actually, at my age, more like my son. That was when I noticed his children. 

This young man had a family, and they sat, quietly, in the front of the church during the service. The young mother, arms around her children, keeping her bearing as friends and family of her husband spoke of him. What they said is what I often hear about our fallen: “he was a hard worker; dedicated to his family and friends; dependable; kind; loving.” So many good men and women-everyday people wanting to be a part of something greater than themselves in order to serve, protect, and defend our Constitution-gone. And this boy will join their ranks.

And what of his boy?

I stood outside the church with the other veterans as the soldier’s body was being taken to the hertz. Despite the beautiful morning, I could not hear the birds singing-all was quiet as this beautiful young mom came out of the church with her children-and then it happened:

“DADDY! DADDY PLEASE DON’T GO! I MISS YOU! I NEED YOU!” he screamed as he broke away from his mother and latched on to the leg of one of the young soldiers carrying his father. It was deafening. More than any machine gun, or cannon, or jet engine, this boy’s voice rang in my ears and in my head-I almost lost my bearing. I was not alone. Through it all, the young mother had the strength to pick up her sobbing son and hold him close to her chest as this Soldier, Son, Father, and Dad was carefully placed in the hearse.

I was a young Dad myself. Maybe that is why this morning had such a powerful impact on me. I have lost friends who served. Good people. Better people than me. Gone. And here I am-having the gall to wonder what I should do. 

What, indeed. I remember the Marine Corps motto, Semper fidelis, always faithful. To what am I faithful? My God. My family, My Corps (these days, I take this to mean those with whom I work and interact).

How do I do this? Where is the manifestation of my faith?

I work hard. I commit myself to making a difference-at work and at home. I tell my family I love them as much as I can. I fight my demons. I continue the struggle and most importantly, I do not give up. 

He didn’t. They didn’t. To the end, they gave everything, including their lives. 

Should I give any less? Should we?

If we really wish to honor this greatest of sacrifices on the part of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines, AND that of their families, should we not take our duty as citizens seriously? Should we not be working together for something greater than ourselves, namely, our Constitutional Republic?

I like to think that is a possibility. I also think I am not alone. I think that is a good place to start.

And I think it is the best possible way to honor their memory on Memorial Day, and every day.

Semper Fidelis.