Believe

I remember calling my father after the first week of Marine Corps Boot Camp.
"Dad, I don't know if I can do this."
"Why do you say that?"
"These guys! They are all so strong: in stature, confidence, ability-I am starting to wonder if I have what it takes."
"Son, you are looking at the recruits who are fixing to take on the title of Marine. They have spent months working and training to receive that honor. Believe it or not, they were where you are now: unsure, insecure about your abilities, wondering if they will make it. When I see you in three months, we will talk about this again. Do your best. I know you will. I love you."
Three months later, Dad came to see me graduate Boot Camp and he was right. I was walking taller, more sure of myself than I think I ever had been in my life, confident in my abilities. He pointed this out to me as we walked around the base that afternoon.
"See those young men over there?"
"Yes, Dad."
"You were once just like them. Now they see you as you are now. I guarantee you at least one of them will be talking to their father the way you spoke with me. We all have to begin somewhere, son. Sometimes, we may have to work a little harder but that is not what determines your success. Your resolve to work for it is what gets your through.
I will never forget that conversation. I learned so much from my Dad on that day.

One. Let someone who is willing to be vulnerable and express self doubt or fear do so, and do not place a value judgement on that person for it. Dad could have easily told to me to "suck it up" and hang up, but he heard me. He recognized that I was lost-that my perspective needed some re-adjusting. He guided me to where I needed to be in order to make it through Boot Camp. After all, being told to suck it up was a daily mantra by our Drill Instructors. This lesson has served me well as a teacher, when a student needs some extra guidance, or someone with whom to speak, or a little motivation. I hope that I have been half as good as my Dad with my own children.

Two. Life is hard. Sometimes, it can be really hard. You still have a choice to make. I had to work really hard at being physically strong but Dad's advice showed me that being mentally strong was a greater thing. There were days (still are) when I had to literally tell myself "you can do this" or better still, "DO THIS, NOW!" to get through the day. I would love to say that has changed since my time in the Corps, but I would rather say that it has been exactly this that has helped me get through some of the most difficult times in my life-personally and professionally. It is a waste of time and energy to look over at what the other person have going for him/her when you can be busy about the business of getting things done for yourself.

Three. Being there. Dad was there for me: on the phone, in the letters he sent, and most especially when he showed up in his Alphas to salute me, shake my hand, and hug me after graduation. This is a tremendous leadership trait and the hallmark of any good parent. He listened to me. He reassured me. He did not sweeten things up but he did let me know he had faith in me to get things done. Sometimes, that is all any of us need. When a student or my child says to me "I probably won't do this very well," my response is, "I have faith in you." Leaders inspire. It would not matter if I washed out of Boot Camp because all my Dad would have asked of me was "did you do your best?" Similarly, If my students or children do not get it right the first time, I ask them, "did you give your best?" Sometimes, we can get everything right and still come up short. That is life. Knowing that you did all you could is what gets you through those times. It is what allows you to re-group, figure out what went wrong and then do it again-better. Having Dad come on to the Drill Pad in his uniform and having him salute before hugging me was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. He believed in me. Through it all, he believed in me. He still does. Later he would say these things when I received both of my degrees (I am a first generation college grad).

As I said, I learned a lot from this time in my life. I have done my best to be what Dad has been to me both to my students, colleagues, and especially, my own children. I will be the first to tell you that I have come up short on occasion. But I will also tell you that no matter how hard it was (is, or will be), I will resolve to get up-and do better. Because someone believed in me.

It is my belief that you can do the same-for yourself and each other.